My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
