what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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