It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
