today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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