Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
