Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
