Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
