dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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