3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
