The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
