What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
