if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
