u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
