he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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