you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
