Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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