I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
