Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
