so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
