As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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