where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we have officially lost it.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
