we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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