i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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