I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
