i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
