things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
