All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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