That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
