She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
