wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
