a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
