I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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