yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My penis needs a shock collar
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
