So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
as a side note pls kill me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
