he shaved USA in his pubs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
