we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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