Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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