Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
