I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
