Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
