Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
