i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
