My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
