I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
