so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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