I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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