i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i dont even know how to be here
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
