the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
