your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
