You work out of a Hotel?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
