its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
