He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
