Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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