yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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