i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
