about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
