you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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