i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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