Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How external is "for external use only"?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
