omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
