i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
