i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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