I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
