I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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