Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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