I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
