It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
