...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
