We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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