guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
